Discipline: Structure and Grace

Discipline comes in many forms. There is physical discipline, of which I thought I knew about until I started running marathons. There is work ethic, which really is a job related discipline to do and be all that you can for your place of employment. There is spiritual discipline, which help to smooth out the rough spots of faith that inevitably will come. Then there is disciplining your children...which makes all of the other forms of discipline seem easy.

Last night in a small group I lead, as we were discussing what discipline looks like in a home that is trying to follow an almighty Father God, I came to a realization. Discipline is really a combination of structure and grace. Yes, it takes both. No, there is no magic formula.

Much like the discipline I had to learn in marathon training, there is a rhythm a "structure" if you will, to discipline. But this must be constantly injected with grace. Here's what I mean.

I have a set training schedule when I begin to prepare for races. Mondays and Wednesdays are workout days. I have a simple focus that involves some complex movement leg and arm exercises. Tuesday, Thursday and Saturdays are running days (there is a formula to it...but that is another blog...). Fridays are a flex day, sometimes body weight bearing workouts and sometimes runs. Sunday's I take off...completely for rest and recovery.

Here is where the grace comes in. Sometimes I choose to run on Monday night, with my favorite running group, instead of Tuesday morning. Sometimes I miss a work out. Sometimes I move a run to Friday. There is flexibility to listen to my body. There is grace when I miss. I just pick up the next workout/run or modify.

Disciplining our children works much the same way. My goal number one to help the children realize that the reason they are being punished isn't because they did something "bad." Instead I want them to realize we are helping them to reach their full potential of what God created them to be and become. So I want them to fully understand what specifically it is that they did wrong. Take time with them, explain the "why" as much or more than the "what" of what they did wrong.

Secondly, I want them to know how much I love them. I really desire what is best for them and their life and that's why I can't allow this unhealthy habit or action to continue. They need to know they are loved. This may need to happen multiple times throughout the process.

Thirdly, I want them to understand the act of asking for forgiveness. Our world could really use some people in it that understand taking responsibility for their actions and asking forgiveness appropriately. This means asking for forgiveness from those who they may have hurt, from their parents, from God, and from themselves. By the way, if you didn't handle yourself well in the heat of the moment when correction was needing to be given to your child, this is a good time to ask their forgiveness too.

Fourthly, administer appropriate punishment for the action. If possible this needs to be predetermined so that you don't get caught up in the moment. If you are married you should consult your spouse if possible (especially if it is a bigger offense or not something with a predetermined discipline). There is no silver bullet to punishment. It's different for every child. It's different for every family. The key is consistency and follow through.

Lastly, leave the child space to think about his/her actions and the subsequent punishment. We don't often enough ask our children to reflect upon their actions, what lead to those actions, who they were following, why they did what they did...you get the picture. Let them sit in it. Let them stew in it. Then when they come back around show them love. Love them and remind them that they are a good kid and this is just part of growing up and becoming a Godly man or woman.

At all steps in this process be quick to give grace and love. Sometimes we overreact as parents. Sometimes we come down to harshly. Sometimes we aren't tough enough or fail to follow through. Give yourself some grace: you're not a perfect parent! Give your children some grace: they aren't perfect either!

Our ultimate goal in parenting, as in life, is to draw those around us to a loving relation to our Father in heaven. In everything we do, we have the challenge reflecting the Father's love, to draw them near to him, to let them see our struggle with it as well. We are praying for all of you, who like us, struggle with this on a day to day basis. May you know the Father's love for you, as you seek his wisdom in every situation.

Proverbs 3:5-6, 11-12
⁵ Trust in the Lord with all your heart
    and lean not on your own understanding;
⁶ in all your ways submit to him,
    and he will make your paths straight.

¹¹ My son, do not despise the Lord’s discipline,
    and do not resent his rebuke,
¹² because the Lord disciplines those he loves,
    as a father the son he delights in

(Basic structure adapted from "Dedicated: Training Your Children to Trust and Follow Jesus" 
by Houser, Harrington, and Harrington) 

Community of Confession

Song and Lyrics by Derek Webb

i repent of my pursuit of America's dream
i repent of living like i deserve anything
my house, my fence, my kids, and my wife
in our suburb where we're safe and white
i am wrong and of these things i repent

i repent of parading my liberty
i repent of paying for what i get for free
the way i believe that i am living right
by trading sins for others that are easier to hide
i am wrong and of these things i repent

i repent judging by a law that even i can't keep
wearing righteousness like a disguise to see through
the planks in my own eyes

i repent of trading truth for false unity
i repent of confusing peace and idolatry
of caring more of what they think than what i know of what they need
and domesticating You until You look just like me
i am wrong and of these things i repent


These are tough lyrics, which if you've followed Derek's career after Caedmon's Call is no surprise.

I repent. I'm sorry. I confess. Statements like these are not quickly made in our culture. Unfortunately they are no more common place in our churches either. We all have difficulty admitting when we are wrong. That difficulty seems amplified when we are in a place where everyone seems so right, so put together. I'm referring to the church.

The people of Israel find themselves in need of a time of confession after hearing the Word of the Lord read to them. In Nehemiah 9:2, "Those of Israelite descent had separated themselves from all foreigners. They stood in their places and confessed their sins and the sins of their ancestors." The people confessed their sins, and then they confessed the sins of those who they knew, loved, and had gone before them.

When was the last time you confessed before God and man what was going on in your life? We all are in need of God's grace. When we do not confess our weakness, then we carry the assumption that we can do it on our own. But we can't do it on our own. I can't be good enough. I can't make it through the day fully devoted, on task and without sin. I need Him.

Confession changes us. When was the last time you confessed to a person or in a group. Chances are it was a powerful moment for you and for the person you shared your weakness with.

No one who is born of God will continue to sin, because God’s seed remains in them; they cannot go on sinning, because they have been born of God. This is how we know who the children of God are and who the children of the devil are: Anyone who does not do what is right is not God’s child, nor is anyone who does not love their brother and sister. 1 John 3:9-10

Meditating On It Day and Night

What do you think of when I say "meditation"?  Do you think of some esoteric eastern mystical hum-drum? Or do you think of a Hebrew/Christian Discipline that has been practiced for thousands of years? 

Richard Foster in Celebration of Discipline explained it this way, "Eastern meditation is an attempt to empty the mind; Christian meditation is an attempt to fill the mind. The two ideas are quite different."  I don't know about you but I need my mind renewed (Romans 12:2) daily. I need my mind filled by the Spirit in order that it might push out all that is not of Him. But that's just me...

Meditation is one way that we can do this simple but important act of keeping the main things the main thing.  Though not the earliest record of meditation the book of Psalms is a great place to start while exploring this spiritual discipline.  Psalm 1:1-2 states,
"Oh, the joys of those who do not
    follow the advice of the wicked,
    or stand around with sinners,
    or join in with mockers. 
 But they delight in the law of the Lord,
    meditating on it day and night."

 The Psalmist knew of the importance of meditating on the Law of the Lord, as a way to make sure they were in line with how God wanted them to live.  But here the psalmist takes it a step further in saying that he "delights" in the law.  Wow- there is actually delight and freedom when one is following closely to the path that God has laid out for them.  Easy no. But is there joy and delight there? You bet!

Here are some quotes about Christian Meditation: 
"Meditation is really very simple and there is not much need of elaborate techniques to teach us how to go about it." Thomas Merton

"That is why meditation is so threatening to us. It boldly calls us to enter into the living presence of God for ourselves." Richard Foster

"To pray is to descend with the mind into the heart, and there to stand before the face of the Lord, ever-present, all seeing, within you." Theophan the Recluse

When asked why he practiced meditation Dietrich Bonhoeffer replied, "Because I am a Christian." 

"...a familiar friendship with Jesus." Thomas a Kempis

"True contemplation is not a psychological trick but a theological grace." Thomas Merton

"No detachment is not enough, we must move on to attachment." Richard Foster

Scriptures: 
Psalm 1:2; 19:97,101,102, 148; 63:6, 17:12
Gen 24:63
Joshua 1:8
1 Samuel 3:1-18
1 Kings 19:9-18

Jesus often when out on his own to pray and spend time with God...How are you spending your time with the Lord? Is it renewing your mind? Ar you allowing Him to transform you? May your words and the meditation of your heart be pleasing to Him.


Psalm 19:14
May the words of my mouth
    and the meditation of my heart
be pleasing to you,
    O Lord, my rock and my redeemer.

7 Attributes of a Disciple

After 8 weeks or so of going through the Sermon on the Mount from Matthew chapters 5-7, we are left with lingering questions: What is a disciple? What does living that life look like? 

Last fall for one of my graduate courses I read a book by Kathleen A. Cahalan called "Introducing the Practice of Ministry." I really enjoyed her writing style and brevity, as well as some nuggets like these 7 features of discipleship. She defines discipleship like this:  "To be a disciple means learning a way of life that embodies particular dispositions, attitudes, and practices that place the disciple in relationship to, and as a participant in, God's mission to serve and transform the world." 

Now this is not an end all list...but I like some of the elements & if you're like me, I need an idea from which to work. I've also attached some scripture to them, but there are many more that support them. 

1. Follower  “Come, follow me,” Jesus said, “and I will send you out to fish for people.” (Matthew 4:19 NIV), "a person enters into a lifelong process of learning from Jesus, to come to know who and what Jesus is and what Jesus is claiming about God's call to relationship, communion, and mission. (p. 5) ...it entails learning, growing, changing, and converting, as well as turning away, failing, doubting and at times rejecting the summons. It means taking up with a community of friends, brothers and sisters, a new family and household that includes the unclean and sinners."

2. Worshiper "Yet a time is coming and has now come when the true worshipers will worship the Father in the Spirit and in truth, for they are the kind of worshipers the Father seeks. God is spirit, and his worshipers must worship in the Spirit and in truth.” (John 4:23, 24 NIV) "Jesus recognizes God as the source of all that is in creation, the source of healing power and authority in his teaching, preaching, and healing ministries. Prayer is an opening of his heart, mind, and soul to this source of divine love and mercy and a willingness to be transformed into the servant that God is calling him to be...Christians are "most fully human when we praise God" and giving Glory to God is not only in prayer and liturgy but also in our whole lives. (with additional quote by Cathrine Mowry LaCugna)

3. Witness "But you will receive power when the Holy Spirit comes on you; and you will be my witnesses in Jerusalem, and in all Judea and Samaria, and to the ends of the earth.” (Acts 1:8 NIV) "...one who gives voice to the claim that Christ has made on their life. Witness: to give testimony to the truth about what they know. Martyr comes from the same Greek root for "witness" and is for those who's life comes to a violent end because of their testimony but are prepared to suffer gladly "for the name.""

4. Neighbor "The second is this: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ There is no commandment greater than these.” “Well said, teacher,” the man replied. “You are right in saying that God is one and there is no other but him. To love him with all your heart, with all your understanding and with all your strength, and to love your neighbor as yourself is more important than all burnt offerings and sacrifices.” (Mark 12:31-33 NIV) "In the Old Testament a neighbor is understood to be a person who was a fellow member of the covenant community, similar to a brother or kinsman. Neighbor quite literally refers to those who dwell next to or nearby, people who share land, resources, and traditions." Jesus expands the definition with the parable of The Good Samaritan, and Levi or Matthew parties.

5. Forgiver "For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins. (Matthew 6:14, 15 NIV)  "Practicing forgiveness and reconciliation bring a disciple face-to-face with their wrongdoings as well as the hurts and wounds born from others' actions, emotional as well as physical. Forgiveness (OT) wiping away, sending away, removing, covering (Matthew 6:14-15, Luke 6:37) Forgiveness also invites a disciple to see the wrongdoer as God sees them, as a child of God who needs healing and forgiveness."

6. Prophet (Luke 4:18-19“The Spirit of the Lord is on me, because he has anointed me to proclaim good news to the poor. He has sent me to proclaim freedom for the prisoners and recovery of sight for the blind, to set the oppressed free, to proclaim the year of the Lord’s favor.” (Luke 4:18, 19 NIV) "Prophets are a witness with a keen perception for what harms a neighbor: scorn, hatred, disobedience, hubris, unbelief, greed, and selfishness...Jesus calls people to repentance, invites them into a relationship with a loving and merciful God, and warns them against false religious practices and injustice toward the poor and outcast." Prophecy is proclaiming truth. (Matt. 22:1-4)

7. Steward “Then the King will say to those on his right, ‘Come, you who are blessed by my Father; take your inheritance, the kingdom prepared for you since the creation of the world. For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me.’ “The King will reply, ‘Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me.’ (Matthew 25:34-36, 40 NIV) "God creates and is the first steward of creation, extending the responsibility for stewardship to humanity. Jesus uses the image of the steward to demonstrate generosity, wisdom, and prudence, as well as shrewdness. Disciples are also stewards of a vocation, the gifts received for service in the community (1 Peter 4:10)."

If you look at these 7 characteristics or attributes, how does your life stack up? Or maybe like me, you can pick out a couple of them that you do fairly well at on a day to day basis. And then there is the other side, are there some that you do poorly? How does God want you to grow and expand? What does he want you to work on today?  Take these 7 in, chew them up, see how they set.  Then let God transform you as you submit new areas of your life to Him.

"Go...Then come, follow me."

Haunting words from Jesus in Mark 10. What is it that you need to expel from your life that fits between the Go...Then? For this young man it was his possessions. What is it for you?

A good friend of mine just a couple of years ago came to this place in his faith journey. He believed in God, but he wasn't yet ready to be a follower of Jesus. After a long road trip, filled with many discussions, he decided that he needed to get rid of everything that held him back from following. He literally gave away 90% of what he owned. Most people wouldn't think of leaving themselves just one shirt to wear to church, or to let go of their prized possessions. But he did just that, let go of it all.

What happens next on your journey may be even more telling than what you let go of, the "then follow Me" What does this look like? How do you live this out today, tomorrow, right now?

I love how the disciples respond, "Then who in the world can be saved?" Have you ever looked at what it takes to be a disciple and had this reaction? You are not the first! Nor will you be the last! But think about this; it is not about what you do. I'm not saying that you shouldn't follow the golden rule. I'm simply saying it's already been done, it's already been paid. The disciples still didn't understand that salvation was to be found in Jesus. The answer to their question of who can be saved is everyone! But not everyone will.

Discipleship implies humility. Humility implies submission. Submission implies total commitment. Total commitment...

What comes after your Go? What comes next after your Then?



"Humanly speaking, it is impossible. But not with God. Everything is possible with God." vs.27