The summer of recovery and difficulty

The last year and a half have been in a word; hard. The pandemic has left us disconnected, grieving, uneasy, fractured, and wondering what is most important in life. 

While things were seeming to get back to normal as the vaccine was administered throughout the spring, the summer left us with much hope of what is to come. For many those hopes and dreams have been fulfilled with vacations, traveling, and seeing loved ones. For others there is still hope and trepidation, an unknowing about the future. 

Here is what I have observed, those who were able to keep connection with others, family, friends, co-workers, faith-communities, etc. have faired better than others. 

For me, it has been a struggle. While I am thankful for the friends we have gained here in Colorado we have still struggled with that sense of strong community. Maybe we were spoiled in The Woodlands and Abilene. Maybe the pandemic put a big wrench in everyone's openness. Maybe at this stage of life it takes more work. 

I am thankful that we have had some friends come to visit us lately. There is always comfort in having connectedness for long periods of time with people you have been through the "stuff" with before. I'm also thankful for the new friendships forming, for church connections, and neighbors who care. Without these connections we would certainly feel like we would dry up. 

As we look forward to fall I know that there is a need for intentionality, for connection, discernment, and for enjoying the season. Even as I write this my heart is heavy as I have one friend on the West Coast and a couple of friends in Texas in the hospital due to Covid. My hope is in the Lord for them, for us, and for what is to come. 

Uncertain times reminds us what is most important; Family, Community, and Faith

Check out the blog post on Full Live Adventures!

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Parenting: What do your morning and evening rituals look like?

In the last two years I seemed to have returned to my roots, working more and more with troubled adolescents and their families. Additionally, our kiddos are entering the adolescent phase of life with one on the verge of teen-hood in her second year of middle school and the other in his last year of elementary school. Needless to say we are in the thick of all things adolescent with more to come.

One of the needs I’ve noticed in the families I work with is the lack of morning and evening schedules or what I call rituals. In our home, the kids get up between 6 and 6:15 am on school days (on their own I might add), get dressed and brush teeth before coming downstairs, make their lunches while Megan does breakfast and I make coffee. They eat, pack their bags for the day and are out the door around 7:20. Evenings vary greatly by activity, but usually include dinner, some family TV time, homework, reading, and the kids getting ready for bed around 8:30 including pjs, brushing teeth, and anything that may need done last minute for the next day. After that, they may read a bit more and then Megan and I go into their rooms around 9 to pray with them and tuck them into bed.

This is how our mornings and evenings go on most days. We feel like this gets the kids around 9 hours of sleep (most study’s say 9-10 hours is optimal), and it provides regular structure. What about you? What are your families schedules, routines, rituals, or rhythms? Share what your family does on a nightly or semi-regular basis.

New State, New Life

I didn’t realize it had been so long since I updated this site. Sorry to all who have been expecting more from us! I will do more content here and additionally there will be content on our Full Life Adventures page: www.fulllifeadventures.org

Here is the very brief life update:
I finished my Masters in Christian Ministry in December of 2016, having already started in the summer of 2016 I also went on to finish my Masters in Marriage and Family Therapy in 2018, all at Abilene Christian University. I also completed a thesis on Adventure Based Therapy with Marital Intimacy and Christian Spirituality.

Megan, the kids and I loved our time in Abilene. We met some incredible people there that will always be in our hearts and minds. But ultimately our hearts were in Colorado and had been since the summer of 2014 when we felt God calling us there.

After working for the Counseling Center at ACU for a short time I found a job in Greeley, Colorado at North Range Behavioral Health working with troubled adolescents and their families. Shortly there after Megan found a job in Greeley at Edward Jones Investments, and through her research we found the little town of Windsor. We moved there in December of 2018 and love it!

We still desire to start following our dreams of having a place for couples and families to reconnect, rest, reconcile, and restore. We believe this will still happen in God’s timing not our own.

We’d love to hear from you all. If you have questions or comments please share.

Here We Go!

Well the word is out. The Boyers are headed to Abilene, TX for the Masters in Marriage and Family Therapy program. This is undoubtedly a big move for us and our family.

I came to Houston for the first time in the summer of 1998 for a youth ministry internship with Spring Woodlands Church of Christ. I went back to school my senior year knowing that I was different, but unaware of what God had in store for me. Fast forward to early spring of '99. and I received a phone call from Dave Gibbs and Travis Bryant asking if I would consider coming on full time. I fairly quickly said no, and then they called me back just a few weeks later and asked me to reconsider. I spent some time fasting and praying and God sent me to 1 Samuel. If you know the story of Eli and Samuel, you can imagine the story unfolding. God calls out to Samuel in his sleep, but Samuel did not yet know the voice of the Lord. After the third time of waking up Eli, Samuel was told by him to answer the call, "Speak, Lord, for your servant is listening." I knew I needed to listen, and felt God tell me to answer his call to ministry. I began full time in the summer of '99.

Megan and I met in the fall, but she was dating someone at the time. We developed a friendship and after I ran off the other guy (really he ran himself off), we began dating a few months later. We married April 7th, 2001, and began a whirlwind life of ministry together. After a few more years of youth ministry, I transitioned out to another ministry position the summer of 2006. Claire was born about 9 months later and Eliam 21 month after that. It's hard to believe that they are now 9 years and 7 years old respectively.

Megan and I have dreamed many dreams over the years of where God might take us next. And a few times we considered chasing those dreams. But each time before we could take a move, God seemed to say wait. So we have waited, and we have been blessed. We have developed such sweet and deep friendships because we stayed. We have people in our lives that will forever be as close as family. We are deeply honored by our friendships and we wouldn't trade them for anything. But now the time has come, it is time that we must go.

A year and a half ago, I again felt the Lord calling saying that I needed to apply for the Marriage and Family Therapy program at ACU. On the one hand, Megan and I have done Marriage Mentoring for 8 plus years now using Prepare/Enrich, and we love doing this together. It has been great for our marriage and hopefully it has helped a few out along the way too. On the other hand, I started a Masters in Christian Ministry in 2012, the last thing I wanted to think about was another couple of years in school. We also had been dreaming about starting a ministry in Colorado, and we have been working on that for quite some time. All of our plans didn't come together as we hoped they would and then the summer hit. We were restless. Then thing got a little out of sorts at Grace Crossing (formerly Spring Woodlands where we still serve), and we didn't really feel comfortable leaving last summer to pursue the degree. So we stayed. God continued to bless us and grow us.

We are so thankful for our Grace Crossing family. They have been a huge blessing over the years. We are who we are because of the many lives that have influenced us and supported us. But now after 17 years, it's time for a change. God is taking us to Abilene where I can finish up one degree and begin the next. We don't have jobs yet, we don't have a home, but we know we are in God's hands. To complicate things just a bit, we'll be helping with some backpacking trips this summer in Colorado. So we'll be off grid, in and out of availability throughout the summer as we help some adults reconnect with God.

Life is an adventure. When you are chasing after God, you never know exactly where he will take you. Isn't that just His nature? When you think you're in control and have it all figured out, He reminds you that it is all in His hands, in his timing.

I ran across a quote this weekend that really reminded me of God's nature:

"The God who blesses and orders our lives is the God who disrupts it in order to make things new."

God is making things new for us...and we're holding on to Him as we go along for the ride.

Discipline: Structure and Grace

Discipline comes in many forms. There is physical discipline, of which I thought I knew about until I started running marathons. There is work ethic, which really is a job related discipline to do and be all that you can for your place of employment. There is spiritual discipline, which help to smooth out the rough spots of faith that inevitably will come. Then there is disciplining your children...which makes all of the other forms of discipline seem easy.

Last night in a small group I lead, as we were discussing what discipline looks like in a home that is trying to follow an almighty Father God, I came to a realization. Discipline is really a combination of structure and grace. Yes, it takes both. No, there is no magic formula.

Much like the discipline I had to learn in marathon training, there is a rhythm a "structure" if you will, to discipline. But this must be constantly injected with grace. Here's what I mean.

I have a set training schedule when I begin to prepare for races. Mondays and Wednesdays are workout days. I have a simple focus that involves some complex movement leg and arm exercises. Tuesday, Thursday and Saturdays are running days (there is a formula to it...but that is another blog...). Fridays are a flex day, sometimes body weight bearing workouts and sometimes runs. Sunday's I take off...completely for rest and recovery.

Here is where the grace comes in. Sometimes I choose to run on Monday night, with my favorite running group, instead of Tuesday morning. Sometimes I miss a work out. Sometimes I move a run to Friday. There is flexibility to listen to my body. There is grace when I miss. I just pick up the next workout/run or modify.

Disciplining our children works much the same way. My goal number one to help the children realize that the reason they are being punished isn't because they did something "bad." Instead I want them to realize we are helping them to reach their full potential of what God created them to be and become. So I want them to fully understand what specifically it is that they did wrong. Take time with them, explain the "why" as much or more than the "what" of what they did wrong.

Secondly, I want them to know how much I love them. I really desire what is best for them and their life and that's why I can't allow this unhealthy habit or action to continue. They need to know they are loved. This may need to happen multiple times throughout the process.

Thirdly, I want them to understand the act of asking for forgiveness. Our world could really use some people in it that understand taking responsibility for their actions and asking forgiveness appropriately. This means asking for forgiveness from those who they may have hurt, from their parents, from God, and from themselves. By the way, if you didn't handle yourself well in the heat of the moment when correction was needing to be given to your child, this is a good time to ask their forgiveness too.

Fourthly, administer appropriate punishment for the action. If possible this needs to be predetermined so that you don't get caught up in the moment. If you are married you should consult your spouse if possible (especially if it is a bigger offense or not something with a predetermined discipline). There is no silver bullet to punishment. It's different for every child. It's different for every family. The key is consistency and follow through.

Lastly, leave the child space to think about his/her actions and the subsequent punishment. We don't often enough ask our children to reflect upon their actions, what lead to those actions, who they were following, why they did what they did...you get the picture. Let them sit in it. Let them stew in it. Then when they come back around show them love. Love them and remind them that they are a good kid and this is just part of growing up and becoming a Godly man or woman.

At all steps in this process be quick to give grace and love. Sometimes we overreact as parents. Sometimes we come down to harshly. Sometimes we aren't tough enough or fail to follow through. Give yourself some grace: you're not a perfect parent! Give your children some grace: they aren't perfect either!

Our ultimate goal in parenting, as in life, is to draw those around us to a loving relation to our Father in heaven. In everything we do, we have the challenge reflecting the Father's love, to draw them near to him, to let them see our struggle with it as well. We are praying for all of you, who like us, struggle with this on a day to day basis. May you know the Father's love for you, as you seek his wisdom in every situation.

Proverbs 3:5-6, 11-12
⁵ Trust in the Lord with all your heart
    and lean not on your own understanding;
⁶ in all your ways submit to him,
    and he will make your paths straight.

¹¹ My son, do not despise the Lord’s discipline,
    and do not resent his rebuke,
¹² because the Lord disciplines those he loves,
    as a father the son he delights in

(Basic structure adapted from "Dedicated: Training Your Children to Trust and Follow Jesus" 
by Houser, Harrington, and Harrington) 

Life-Bridges

Sometimes we come to a place in life that we aren't sure which way to go. We know that there is a bridge to cross, something new, something different, something... But often we aren't even sure which bridge is the right bridge. Ever been there?

My family and I have been walking this out for over a year now. We know the vision God has placed on our hearts for Colorado, or some kind of land that he longs to be a place of recovery for those who serve in his kingdom. But the doors just haven't quite opened the way we hoped.

On the other hand, we love the local church and believe God has planted it deep within our hearts to serve and draw people into close relationship with him. We call that discipleship. But we believe God has "released" us from our current place where we have served for 16 years. 

I also have been working on a Masters degree for 4 years now and the end is in sight. Maybe. I applied for and have been accepted into a Marriage and Family Therapy program starting in August. On the one hand I would love to have the expertise and certification, on the other hand...2 more years of grad school...

So here we are at a bridge, and we're not quite sure what's on the the other side.

Praying. We are praying. We have been praying. We'll continue to pray.

"I waited patiently for the Lord; he turned to me and heard my cry." Psalm 40:1

I think the hardest part is praying and waiting for answers. No, I'm not expecting God to have a shining light come down and say "go this way." I don't expect a Bethlehem star to suddenly appear, showing us which way to go. But I long to hear God's voice. I long to see the doors open up that are so obviously his hand that I can't say no. That I wouldn't want to say no.

Maybe your like me, you've come to the proverbial fork in the road, or a bridge that just can't quite see over. Maybe you've asked a cried out to God and he seems silent on your future. Don't give up. Don't quit pressing in. God hasn't abandoned you. He's growing you. He's moving you into maturity.

"Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters,^[a] whenever you face trials of many kinds, ³ because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. ⁴ Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything." James 1:2-4 


What are waiting to hear from God about? What can we lift up in your life to our good Father?